Becoming the best version of yourself starts with making some important changes in your life. You can’t get to where you want to be by doing the same things you’ve been doing. You’re about to go on a personal growth journey that’s going to test your strength and commitment to yourself. It’s going to be hard, but it’s going to be worth it.
To become the best version of yourself, there are three crucial things you need to do. This post is going to break each of these important steps down to help you take your life to the next level.
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1. Build Your Confidence
Self-doubt is a silent killer for most of us. The truth is, everyone, deals with self-doubt, but only some people let it dictate their actions (or lack thereof).
“It’s not what you think you are that is holding you back; It’s what you think you are not.”
Do you know the difference between someone who’s an expert and someone who just has a lot of knowledge on a subject? The expert declares himself an expert. That confidence establishes credibility, and people naturally trust them as a result. The other person doubts that they are smart enough to claim such credit. Everyone else may see it, but it means nothing if that person doesn’t see it for themselves.
The book, Lean In is written by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook. She talked about how we as women tend to hold ourselves back and have our own part to play in the ‘glass ceiling.’ This is a must-read for any woman who struggles with self-doubt.
2. Change Your Mindset
Here are 4 important things you need to learn:
- “It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you react to it that matters.”
- You are in control of your life.
- It’s not about where you’re from; it’s about where you’re going.
- You have to set boundaries & protect your energy
1. “It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you react to it that matters.”
Everyone deals with pain and tragic situations, but not everyone heals. The biggest mistake people make is blaming other people for their problems or drowning in their own sorrows because of some external factor. No matter how bad your struggles, you can heal – but you have to decide to want to heal. Healing involves forgiving the other person(s) (if applicable) and forgiving yourself and understanding that it wasn’t your fault.
“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.”
The worst thing you can do is give someone who has hurt you more of your time and energy than they already took from you.
Some things are much harder to stomach than others, but here’s the cold, hard, truth:
Whatever happened, happened. You can’t go back and change it; you can only change the way you currently react to it. No matter how painful it was, or still is, you’re actually doing yourself a disservice by becoming cold and bitter as a result of someone else’s actions.
2. You are in Control of Your Life
Despite what you may think, or what others tell you, you have the power to control your destiny. Just because you’ve hit rock bottom, doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
– Alice Walker
Your thoughts dictate your actions. If you tell yourself you’re going to fail a test, you won’t have the motivation to study. Similarly, if you tell yourself you’ll never succeed, you’re not going to try. Because what’s the point right?
The point is it is your fault. But before you feel hurt or attacked, think about it this way. Since you are the reason you’re not where you want to be, you can become the reason you get where you want to be. Instead of defaulting to pity and hopelessness, I want you to feel empowered.
Complaining about a problem or situation isn’t going to get you anywhere. I am a firm believer in the following:
If you don’t like something; change it. If you can’t change it; change your attitude.
– Maya Angelou
If you don’t like the way your boss is treating you, think about why. Is it because your performance isn’t up to standard or are they just a pain? If it’s the first, (a situation you can change), then improve the quality of your work or be consistently punctual if that’s the problem. If it’s the latter (a situation you can’t change), then understand that this has nothing to do with you so you shouldn’t take it personally.
They may just be struggling with their own issues and taking it out on you as a result. Reassure yourself that you do good work, and learn to deal with adversity. When you realize that it’s not you, you’ll feel much better.
Another book I’d highly recommend called Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny by Tony Robbins. He shares some great points in this book about the poor habits and ways of thinking we have that hold us back. If you want to continue your personal growth journey beyond this series then this is a great place to start. I promise you won’t regret getting this book!
3. It’s not about where you’re from; it’s about where you’re going.
Just because you’re born in an underprivileged family, doesn’t mean you’re going to be poor all your life. Some of the most successful people today came from nothing. Their life teaches a powerful lesson: you can either use your circumstances to hold you back, or you can use it to push you forward.
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Your future doesn’t have to be like your past. You can choose a different path for yourself.
4. Set boundaries & protect your energy
To all the empaths like myself, please protect your energy. You may not realize how other peoples’ moods and behaviors affect you, but it does.
Have you ever talked to someone and they were so bubbly and energetic that it made you feel good? Similarly, have you ever talked to someone who was groggy and rude, and they just ruined your mood? It could be as simple as that, or as complicated as trying to help someone with their issues.
When people aren’t ready to change, they can take a toll on the people around them. On one end you want to help that person, but deep down you know that the help they need is beyond you. For one, it starts with them.
It can be tough to just leave someone you care about hanging, but you should recognize when you can’t help. This is when they either need professional help, or they need to look into themselves and make changes to improve their situation.
No amount of love you have for someone can influence them to want to change. They have to want it for themselves. It’s not on you to drain yourself trying to force people to do things they don’t want to do – even if it’s in their best interest.
Think about a time you were going through a rough situation, and you had people around trying to help. You definitely appreciated the comfort and support, but did you change immediately? Probably not. You had to learn your lesson the hard way. You had to reach a breaking point for you to want to change. Understand that the person you’re trying to help isn’t at that point yet. Love and support them but make sure you protect your energy.
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3. Aim for Self Actualization
This is the point where you become the best version of yourself. Here are some new practices to adopt:
1. Always remain positive.
Life is going to throw a lot of curveballs at you. You can always expect things to be tough, but in order to see the silver lining, sometimes you have to just accept your difficulties and try to learn from them.
2. Be a continuous learner
Every time you’re met with an obstacle from this point on, ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. Don’t default to being defeated and resorting to your old ways. You did not come this far to only come this far. The only way you can fail is if you don’t learn from your mistakes.
Always seek new knowledge. Read books and meet with people to learn what they know. Don’t limit yourself to one topic when it comes to this; the more you know, the better.
3. Stay hungry.
Never give up that inner drive that pushes you to want more for yourself. Always be grateful for what you have, but never settle for less than you think you deserve.
“There’s another level with your name on it that no longer requires you to play it safe.”